The electricity snapped, one odd evening, last week. It being cold and comfortable, and silent, who was I to complain? Face first, on my bed, and a fancy light over my head, because gizmos will never let us be at a Sifr with nature.I snuggled into a recently acquired Rumi gem…a very fat volume of rare Rumi (Hazrat Maulana Jalaluddin Rumi R.A) discourses…no sound, no light, no laptop, just the cold, a blanket, me and my Rumi.
Such phenomenons can only be explained by perhaps what one feels after a deep, deep sleep. When you have to wake up just to prove you aren't dead. For me, however, it's ‘during’ not after, such a sleep-event. Rare, considering, how seldom I get to a good deep sleep, these days. Growing up! But when I do, I feel myself in slumber. Rare? I don’t know. But amazing, yes! I can hear myself breathing, and its a heavy, contented feeling…it’s like snuggling with a hundred million clouds…its pure bliss…its like watching an Iranian movie.
I read. Then read some more. Rumi- equips a seeking soul with the clarity of a clean laundered handkerchief. I lay back. The book on my chest, thumping rhythmically: a kin to my heart parodied my breath of perfect octaves. I looked up. The ceiling. It was so beautifully ornate, and white. It shone in the fluorescent light form the lamp. Like the lights and sounds show at the old Mughal and Victorian castles I love to visit.
~yeh raat yeh khamoshi…yeh chaand se nazare~
I realized, how I always wanted to lay on my back, like this, arms spread out like Jesus, sin-less, and looking directly into the sky…the stars, at night. Everything I needed for that event was present here, me, the sky. The only barrier was this ornate roof. I am going to be one with this sky one day. And perhaps I’ll have coffee with a stranger, and I hope I’ll get enough sleep.
This darkness,
And light just enough for me to see…
Is all I need?
For clarity
Right now, inside my head is a pool, with lots of toddlers swimming and paddling and making splashes, and throwing water everywhere.
Some of these children are learning to swim.
Some have a safety belt around them.
Some are just bobbing up and down in the water.
Some are crying.
Some have too much water in their mouths.
But, all of them are inside and they are learning to swim.
They are all in the water.
Learning and trying hard not to drown.
To get across-
Successfully!
I know this will be one hell of a year. Things will graduate on to more restless, sleepless nights. More responsibilities. More decisions. To have a ground beneath my feet, and some occasional stars in my hair, and ounces and ounces of faith…is all I need in my spiritual backpack.
And till then, these little moments of no lights, a cool dig-deep bed, a few resources for the soul, will help me through.I hope.This fake-light, just this, in overwhelming but comforting darkness, will do. That’s all I need, a fleck of pure, rubid, white placid, Light!~
Ameen.
Ameen.
Urdu poetry from Pakeezah, The Movie.
song here: http://youtu.be/X-4lBSbgCBM
song here: http://youtu.be/X-4lBSbgCBM
